I Figured It Out

I had an epiphany over the weekend as to why single men are so hard to find. For every girl I know who has a serious boyfriend, there is a single guy who is totally in love with her. I know of three or four instances of this phenomenon, and the guys are very aware of the situation, yet they wait in the wings for their big opportunity, for the boyfriend to fail so they can sweep in and save the girl. Meanwhile, these girls are intelligent, successful, beautiful women who also know that these men are on the sidelines awaiting their chance, and they just eat it up. They tell their admirers that they are devoted to their boyfriends, that they are going to be together forever, yet they complain to the admirers when things are going wrong and they rely on these guys to occupy their time when they need company. I'm not being cynical, just realized over the weekend as I watched it happen firsthand that this is an issue. The epiphany occurred shortly after I was talking to one of the guys who plays the part of admirer and listened to him talk about his love non-stop for thirty minutes, and out of the corner of my eye I watched one of the objects of affection lead her admirer away because she needed a ride home. We single girls don't have a chance in this kind of atmosphere because we have no hopes of being placed upon such pedestals and these men are content with holding out for their true loves. So, what are we to do?

Things I Wonder to Myself. . .

Why does my apartment building have only ONE elevator? Why does a married woman trying to fix you up with a guy monopolize the entire conversation with said guy? Why is this year flying by so quickly? Why does my oldest brother think I have no life when he's in town? Why does traffic always slow me down when I'm in a hurry? Why am I ALWAYS in such a hurry? Why do some people stay in relationships that are so wrong for them and is it just because they don't want to fail or they fear being alone? Why are people so competitive with each other, especially amongst their own friends? Why did my gynecologist feel the need to tell me I have plenty of time to have kids if I want? Why does Chrysler Financial continue to call me for some other person when I've repeatedly told the same woman who keeps calling that I DON'T KNOW ANYONE BY THAT NAME! Why can't my bosses see how they are ruining this company? Why do we as grown-ups still act like such children?

No more counseling

I've decided to give up counseling for awhile due to a few factors: (1) lack of free time, (2) lack of extra funds (our co-pay went up) and (3) because it's been about a year since I started and I am feeling a lot more stable. Yes, I still have panic attacks, but not as frequently. I've actually begun to let go of a lot of crap that bugged me before. I have even decided to not worry if people like me or not - I pretty much put myself out there and if you don't like it, then so be it. I actually stopped talking to a friend because of this, and of course, now he wants to be friends again (lord, how am I to get through to him???). I don't think I'm being a bitch, I think I'm really looking out for myself. I have wonderful friends, who I love dearly, and they pretty much accept me for who I am. I'm not looking to add anyone to the 'fold' who is going to try to change me. Yes, I miss some traits of those past friends, but I feel if they were my true friends they wouldn't have decided to do the things they did. Therefore, I have no time for them, now. I will go to the ends of the earth for those people I love and respect, but I think I really lost respect for some folks and I can't just find it again. I'm looking out for me, while still being there for my dear friends, and it feels good to be this way . . .

Sigh

I really hate my job. I know it's a great project, and will do so much for the region, but I'm so burned out by it. I don't believe in it anymore because management doesn't seem to know what direction to take. They have the tools, the employees, to help, but they won't rely on those assets and instead reward those who don't really have the best interest of the company at heart. And I'm not just crying sour grapes, here, it's just facts. I want to do more, and I feel my hands are tied. And I think I'm treading water professionally because I don't have a title or salary that could get me advanced somewhere else right now. It's just so frustrating to have the ear of the president of a corporation yet he just doesn't hear me - he listens, and agrees, but doesn't HEAR me nor does he implement any change. It's a scary thought to search for another job, but I have to do it. I have to stop saying I'll get out and actually do it. Sigh . . .